It's no secret, I'm a huge fan of Donald Glover.
I moved to Atlanta in July and the idea that he may or may not be walking the streets of Atlanta throws me for a loop. It's very easy to put people on a pedestal and forget that they are humans. Glover has always seemed more than human to me. To many, I think. The way his mind seems to work, his seemingly effortless creativity, the way people seem to know there's something special about him, amazes me.
I joke that I am not sure if I want to marry Glover or be him. He is the textbook definition of renaissance man. Living in Atlanta I have realized that everyone knows everyone and the degrees of separation from one person to another and quite small. And it dawned on me, Glover is a human, and actual human constantly in this same city. ( Could I sound more like a crazy stalker?) The thing is it's not in a "Oh, he's only human, he's no better than any of us", no, it's more in a "oh my god he's actually human. A human hold this amount of creativity?"
After reading the recent New Yorker interview he did, this part really stuck with me:
Is there anything you’re bad at? “To be honest, no. Probably just people. People don’t like to be studied, or bested.” He shrugged. “I’m fine with it. I don’t really like people that much. People accept me now because I have power, but they still think, Oh, he thinks he’s the golden flower of the black community, thinks he’s so different.” He laughed. “But I am, though! I feel like Jesus. I do feel chosen. My struggle is to use my humanity to create a classic work—but I don’t know if humanity is worth it, or if we’re going to make it. I don’t know if there’s much time left.”
He's amazing.. and he knows it. He knows he was chosen. As a kid, I felt that. I felt as if I was destined for something. At 22, I feel like I'm running out of time. Like my time on this earth is almost over, and I haven't found my purpose. Like I haven't done what I am supposed to do this earth. I want to do so much more than what I am doing know. My background is in visual design but I want to be an artist in every sense of the word. Most of the time I am afraid to tell people what, mostly because they seem like pipe dreams I should have grown out of my now. I want to make art, I want to photograph, I want to act, I want to make music. I haven't even gotten my foot in the door with some of these. I don't know how. I don't have the means. Do I even have the talent? Do I have it in me? I lose sleep over the thought that I am striving to be something I'm simply not. I'm afraid of failing and being corny.
That's what's so beautiful about Donald Glover. He's a genius so effortlessly. He's always been picked out for his talent. Am I putting him on too high of a pedestal?
I try to make art and not let my thoughts distract me that I shouldn't care about validation. The ability to create and share my truth and vision however I can should be enough. I should do what I can and work as hard as I can and things will work out, right? Does my eagerness make me less interesting? Does my need to pay my bills make me less genuine?
At the end, none of this is real. Nothing really means anything. Why am I so afraid? But I'd be lying if I said it didn't get to me.